Losing A Part Of Myself

    People have their own personal definition of assimilation. Assimilation for me is when you feel like you have to "abandon" a certain side of you in hopes to get acceptance from society. For example when I first came to  America, I started to leave my Ecuadorian culture in hopes of making people like me more. I feel like students these days might also try to "hide" or abandon their cultural identity because of similar reasons. They might feel ashamed or embarrassed of their cultural traditions, etc. They could try to assimilate by changing the way they dress, not eating certain foods or even by acting a certain way at home and a certain way at school.

    Assimilation can be harmful for your mindset. When you try to fit in you also begin to lose a part yourself in the process. For example when I tried pushing my cultural background away, it led me to  being confused on who I was. I had no idea who I was because sometimes I was too "Hispanic" to fit in with the more American kids and too "American" to fit in with the Hispanic kids. I was stuck in between and that led  me to me being confused when someone would ask me what I was (race/ethnicity wise). Not only did it make me confused all the time, but it also made me sad. Sad, jealous, same thing. I was jealous of the kids that knew who they were, the kids that didn't have to think twice after being asked those type of questions.

    I think now days society is accepting different cultures and making more cultures known. However I wish that back when I was about 6-7 years old, it would be more "known". Although I look "white" or just have more "European" features, assimilation was still hard on on me because of my age. I was really young when I first saw someone get criticized because they were wearing/eating  something of their culture. This made me scared because what if people did that to me too. What if they thought I was weird too? I was a really sensitive kid , and I still am but back then I let the smallest things get in my head. Therefore I feel like that was the main reason of why I tried my hardest to fit in.

    When I became older though, I started to embrace my Ecuadorian culture and I let go of that fear. That fear of being criticized or just simply looked down upon. And I wish more than anything in the world that those young kids who also try to "assimilate" because they're afraid of being criticized, grow out of that fear as well because its really not a good feeling.

    Down below you can see an image that I found, that best represents how I felt when I tried to assimilate. I felt like I was Losing A Part Of Myself.